Adulting with a Car: Hang in There

I still need to vacuum inside my car. I loved how beautiful it looks after an excellent vacuum and how beautiful it smells after applying the cleaning dust and hanging the Yankee Candle air freshener. It just makes me want to drive around all day, pick up people and show off how nice my car is.
A couple of years ago my car passenger side window decided, “Hey, you know what? I’m just NOT going to work today!” When people sat in the passenger side and tried to roll down the window, it wouldn’t go back up. It happened so frequently anyone who wanted to roll down the window I would make them work to bring it back up with their hands. This is normally achieved by me glaring into their soul silently making sure they feel my annoyance burning from within. One day I had one of the main culprits tape the button for the window so no one can bring it down.
About gas, I realized I made a huge mistake when I took a job several miles away from my house, leaving me not enough time to really invest in myself while building a career. After some thought I was like, this is a bad idea.
My car said, “It SURE IS!” And I got a flat.
Adulting has no script. No structured schedules. Everything at the end of the day is doing what’s best for you, boo. I know you’ll make it through.


(Kou’s retirement letter, inspired by a retirement letter written by someone who worked in a company she worked at)

Dear Colleagues and super close acquaintances,

Peace out yo.

I will miss you all, but social media makes me think the world is small enough not to miss you. I will probably be on Instagram once a week to show off a picture of me jet skiing and living my darn life. I expect you to do the same.

Let’s be honest, you’re going to miss me. But you’re life will go on. You’ll probably think of me when your bored at work wondering where is Kou to cackle with me? Where is she trying to help me save the world? Where is her delicious banana bread that I never thought to just ask her for the recipe and make my darn self? YES, you will miss me. I must say after all these years I’ve finally gotten the professional respect I longed for and I’m so grateful I found it- while working for myself, traveling, and living my life. Again, I hope you can do the same.

Save your coins, like I did when I was young (and I still look it. Yes, I still get IDed), use your vacation days, do an excellent job but don’t take it home with you. They will replace you when you’re dead. To all you employees, entre and intrapreneurs, bosses, CEOs, and retirees- make the most of your life while you still can. It’s a gift, not a curse. If I hear any of you all say that “life sucks” I’m punching you.

If you care to know, I’m going jet-skiing this weekend. After that, I might babysit some chicken nugget looking grandkids of mine and travel some more. I’m going to enjoy retirement- now that I’m no longer expected to work.

I’m going to really miss you all. It was lit. PEACE!

Only the Best,


Nothing Less

Lord forgive me for not caring as much as I probably should

Or loving more than I probably could

Nothing Less, nothing less

Trying to give to the world my best.

I’ve crossed my T’s

and dotted my I’s

Believe in my heart that I will survive.

Faith with works make a powerful concoction

On that consumes me with conviction

And leads me closer to a new nation

Let it go; let it flow

Down the river it goes

Someone told me that if it’s in God’s will…I suppose

It will flow back to me and by His power it will never let go

We don’t know; we don’t know what the future holds

But I’ve been told

That it’s all in His hands

Please, take me to this river

Let me lay my burdens down

Let me feel the strength that my ancestors speak of when God’s around

Take in this fresh air and gaze at the still waters

Nothing less; nothing less

I will only get God’s best

By: Kou T. Nyan (like all the other posts) 🙂

Doughnut Culture Thoughts

“So, do you know how many doughnuts you’ll be getting today?” The server asked me.
All of them, I wanted to say. But I said instead, “Um, one.”
I lived in this city for almost all my life. I went away for some time and returned a few years ago. When I did, I decided to explore the city more. More so for their food scene. So my life changed when I tried the new coffee brands and new doughnuts.
This particular occurrence happened one day during work hours when I had not had any breakfast. I told myself that if the tech at my job decided not to work, then I will treat myself to KNEAD Doughnuts. Of course, the tech did not work so I marched right on over to claim a tasty treat.
There is something about Rhode Island’s Doughnuts that I cannot explain. Filled with goodness, freshness, and creativity. Please do NOT tell me you have been to Rhode Island and never tried PVDonuts, KNEAD Doughnuts or even Allie’s Doughnuts. Or at least do not say you know me, or you came when they were all closed- something.
We drink coffee, teas, beers, and wines. We eat doughnuts here in Rhode Island.
I think the food culture is growing here. What would be next? I heard that once that it was the most significant jewelry capital of the world then became an art capital, and a tourist rest stop with food. Yes, I called Rhode Island a tourist rest stop. People flock to New York, Boston, Canada. They like our airport because its small and non-intimidating. They check our beaches for a bit and continue on their way.
While typing this, I realized that I am no longer hungry. How? I only had one doughnut, and I feel like I do not have to ever eat again, WHAT IS THIS???

So, I go to church…


I think they’ve found out who’ve been eating all the diabetics’ candies. I’m not sure if the nurse told anyone else, but I’ve been pretty cautious now when I head to the back for some water.

One afternoon, or was it morning, I was ushering as I’ve been doing for many years at this church since I’ve been baptized. I was feeling some type of way about my breath, so I walked over to the back and saw where the church mothers stored the delicious treasure…so I snatched a few for myself. Each week I ushered I made it a point to grab a few for myself for all the hard work I do, you know directing people where to go and smiling.

Maybe a few months go by, and I get caught. The nurse with a friendly grin pipes up from behind me, “Oh, now we know who’s been taking all the diabetic candy!” Although she was nice enough, I was still like, “OH SNAP! I’M STEALING SICK PEOPLE’S CANDY?”

I go to a church where there are predominately old folks. Or who the state would consider as elderly. They are people choosing to get their worship on and who think I’ve been in high school for the last 12 years.

“What school do you go to?”
“I don’t go to school.”
Silence, at least until someone explains that I graduated college a few years ago and confirms that I’m indeed in my late 20s. Sometimes that’s followed by shock. How could this unwed, five foot zero inch, no make up wearing, baby-faced, baby-dressed, girl possibly be a woman? I tell myself that when I’m 40, I will love it. I’m learning to love it now because at the end of all this-it’s actually quite humorous. The youth in the church lower their eyes to speak to me and bend to hug me and still muster up the courage to call me Miss or Sister Kou. I’m still granted some teaching roles, and very rarely someone will ask if I have a “friend.”

“I have a few good friends,” is what I always want to say. But then the new age in me want to say, “You mean a partner? A significant other?” But these questions make me think that someone FINALLY got my age right.

When I think about “Big Magic”…

This summer I read “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I heard about it from my two favorite podcasters Rana Campbell of Dreams in Drive and Aileen Xu of Lavendaire Lifestyle. When I began reading it, I thought it started off really slow. But then I quickly became inspired and hooked. The two ideas that stuck with me since I returned the book to the library was that one, not to make your work your baby and two, creativity is like a spirit.

I was surprised when I read that we shouldn’t make our work our baby. Most of the time, in order to encourage ourselves to not neglect but work patiently on our crafts we remind each other that the work is our “baby”. My brand, blog, projects are all my babies screaming for milk, getting into everything, need a bath, desperate for love. No, Elizabeth Gilbert told me (well she didn’t know she did), my brand, blog and projects were just that- brand, blog and projects. Yes, they do need attention, however, making them your baby would make you too attached to them. The worry that they would be criticized would one, make you take things to personally  and two, it would aid in procrastination. It was a confusing yet liberating thought for me. It encouraged me to just “do it” whether it be writing, making that phone call or making that breakfast.  No my brand, blog and projects are not screaming in the middle of the night because they are teething but it is in fact waiting patiently at the front door for me to get my car keys. These plans and dreams are just waiting for me to put the effort to show them the world and the world and meet with them.


Creativity is a spirit who knocks on the door of your mind and asks for permission to partner with you. This is what I’ve understood from Gilbert’s writing. As I thought about it deeper I couldn’t agree more. She tells a story of an idea she had for a book about a woman who goes to Brazil. Admittedly, I don’t remember the details (I returned that book a few months ago) however, I do remember that after doing so much research on it and forgetting about it for a while because of family issues, she felt as though the idea left her. She couldn’t explain it- yes, all her notes were there- but, the idea, that spirit wasn’t. So she met with a friend and as they talked her friend mentioned an idea that she was excited about. After the friend explained the story in detail it was almost exactly like Gilbert’s idea! She never told her, nor did the friend see her notes.  The differences were only slight. After reading that section of the story it made me more excited about my ideas. Yet, I became more urgent. I knew that if I didn’t complete a certain project someone else will. Shout out to Mordecai telling his niece, Queen Esther, to get her life and defend her country!


I would certainly recommend Big Magic to anyone. It’s thought provoking and makes you look at creativity was an energy not a burden. So get the struggling artist notion out your head!

The What the Kou Experience: McDonald’s

Dear McDonald’s,

“Please, stop tryna play me. We was koo’ but YOU ARE DOING THE MOST!” (Emotional accent)

All I want is water to hydrate myself.


First Encounter:

I was feeling a bit parched as I drove to the drive-thru hoping that you would give me relief. Instead you shattered my heart and gave me water in a cup and charged me $1.08 for it. Did this water come from the tears of the great god of the Nile river, Sobek (to whom I read about on Google). Had it been filtered by the rays of the rising sun? Will it heal all my ailments and will my hair rise to touch the stars in the sky?

Was it the water which Jesus and Peter walked on or had it been pre-blessed? Was it the same water that Lapis Lazulis from Steven Universe tried to fly back to Homeworld with? Did it come from the beautiful shores of West Africa?

Second Encounter:

The other day, McDonald’s, I went to your store, again. My body yearned for hydration. One of your representatives informed me you only give out bottled water…

But McDonald’s, your water does do something miraculous. It transformed me, renewed me, and allowed me to be better than I was…


…it inspired me to carry around my own bottled water from home.




A Changed Woman,