Ack! It’s September! When did you get here? This year went by so fast like every other year and I must confess, I THINK I accomplished what I wanted for this year. I’m not sure. I thought I had New Year’s Resolutions but to be honest I don’t remember doing it. But I do remember wanted to start this year all extra fresh.
Like last year, I made a commitment to work on myself by being mindful of my time, embrace better money management, and I guess you can say, get my life together. Another thing I was focused on was doing more of what made me feel alive and being honest with myself about what does without overthinking if I would ever make money off it. During this walk, someone told me to stop looking at the big picture and make those small steps daily. Now, I know this person was not telling me to stop dreaming big but this person recognized how much stress I was putting on myself for the little things. I think of the Bible verse that says “do not despise meager beginnings” and to be honest the last years had been full of meager beginnings which could be frustrating for someone who wants to make the most out of life.
The Word says that God will never leave you or forsake you…it’s taking some time but it’s becoming more and more true in my life. In journaling, I recognized that God is a comforter and omniscient. He knew every situation I was in. There has been a worship night I attended a few months back. A woman around my age walked up to me. She placed my hand on my shoulder and prayed everything that I’ve been praying for weeks in my private time with God. I was moved because at that moment I remember that God is with me and He hears me.
It’s suddenly September. The leaves are changing color and my life is changing. I’m in a much better place than I’ve been in years. I sense myself becoming my best friend and drawing closer to God, which is always a hope for me each year. Well, not actually becoming my best friend because for the longest time I was hard on myself for not being “normal” or like everyone else.
I became fascinated with people who got up and did things. That looked at something, though it was cool and kept doing it until the finances flowed or their name became great or until they became highly connected. That’s what I hope for in this journey. Someone told me that, “I’m always looking.” I guess, but I want to change that to “I’m always experiencing.”
One of my current favorite cartoons, Steven Universe, had an episode when Steven and his “best friend” (future girlfriend but I digress), Connie fused into one being. The being was named Stevonnie. Stevonnie was filled with excitement. They ran to meet the gems and one, in particular, told them, “You are an experience.” For me, that almost gave me permission to just experience.
One day last year I was mediating asking God about my situation. I heard the words, “I want you to be more present.” From then on I’ve been striving to be more present. It’s been a beautiful journey.
So going back to New Year’s Resolutions, perhaps it was to be more present, experience more and learn what it means to live life fully and abundantly. This time it means to be free. This time it means to cherish and be grateful for every moment. It means to be honest with God and myself.