“Please, stop tryna play me. We was koo’ but YOU ARE DOING THE MOST!” (Emotional accent)
All I want is water to hydrate myself.
I was feeling a bit parched as I drove to the drive-thru hoping that you would give me relief. Instead you shattered my heart and gave me water in a cup and charged me $1.08 for it. Did this water come from the tears of the great god of the Nile river, Sobek (to whom I read about on Google). Had it been filtered by the rays of the rising sun? Will it heal all my ailments and will my hair rise to touch the stars in the sky?
Was it the water which Jesus and Peter walked on or had it been pre-blessed? Was it the same water that Lapis Lazulis from Steven Universe tried to fly back to Homeworld with? Did it come from the beautiful shores of West Africa?
The other day, McDonald’s, I went to your store, again. My body yearned for hydration. One of your representatives informed me you only give out bottled water…
But McDonald’s, your water does do something miraculous. It transformed me, renewed me, and allowed me to be better than I was…
…it inspired me to carry around my own bottled water from home.
A Changed Woman,